The Curse of Being the ‘Nice Guy’
The notion that being a ‘nice guy’ is a curse in the realm of dating, and is often rooted in not having a true understanding about relationships and human interactions.
9 Signs That You’re a ‘Nice Guy’
You might be reading this blog post because you think you might be a ‘nice guy,’ if that’s the case, here are some indications that you may be heading down that road.
- ‘Nice guys’ think that because they’re good they will receive happiness and love as a reward.
- ‘Nice guys’ will often do things for women that they won’t do for men.
- ‘Nice guys’ tend to withhold their opinions if it means avoiding conflict.
- ‘Nice guys’ will always try to fix a woman’s problems.
- ‘Nice guys’ often seek approval from others.
- ‘Nice guys’ often try to hide their flaws.
- ‘Nice guys’ are always seeking the approval of others.
- ‘Nice guys’ will often put the needs of others before their own.
- ‘Nice guys’ tend to be emotional depended on their partner.
What Is the Friendzone?
When it comes to being in the friendzone, a place where ‘nice guys’ often find themselves, there are two scenarios that I can think of.
Hidden Love: In the first scenario, the guy/girl has romantic feelings for someone but they never make it known, instead, they hope that things will come to fruition in some magical way.
Self-Placement: In the second scenario, the guy/girl has made their feelings known, but when they did, they were rejected. Rather than walking away from the situation entirely, they decide to get comfortable in the friendzone, but they’re never truly happy there.
Why Do ‘Nice Guys’ Always End Up in the Friendzone?
1. ‘Nice Guys’ Have Unrealistic Expectations
Sometimes, men who see themselves as a ‘nice guy,’ go into situations expecting a certain result simply because they’re nice. The truth is though, just because you’re nice, it doesn’t mean the world owes you anything.
2. ‘Nice Guys’ Aren’t Assertive or Confident
One of the most common traits amongst ‘nice guys’ is a lack of assertiveness and confidence, things that most women find attractive. While it’s good to avoid senseless conflict, ‘nice guys’ push this to the extreme, so much so that a woman may not feel safe around them if they found themselves in a dangerous situation. Not being assertive often means that a ‘nice guy’ will never let a woman know how he feels, which will ultimately land him in the friendzone.
While kindness and generosity are admirable traits, it’s usually not enough to make you attractive to women; this means that ‘nice guys’ who come across as being insecure/passive, may struggle to get a woman’s attention in a romantic sense.
3. ‘Nice Guys’ Don’t Seem Genuine
‘Nice guys’ are known for having ulterior motives when it comes to forging friendships with women, and because of this, their motives are often called into question. It’s pretty common for ‘nice guys’ to do things for their female friends in order to get something in return.
4. ‘Nice Guys’ Are Seen as Boring
When compared to a guy who is assertive, dominant, and/or confident, ‘nice guys’ can come off as being boring. While there’s nuance to this perception as people get older, it’s most certainly true for younger men and women who are in the prime of their life.
5. ‘Nice Guys’ Are Too Available
You’ll often notice that ‘nice guys’ are too available for any woman that they’re interested in. While this may seem like a logical approach to take when you’re trying to get someone to like you, in many cases, it can do more harm than good. Being too available makes it so that the time you do spend with someone isn’t that valuable—it also makes it seem like you have nothing else going on in your life.
6. ‘Nice Guys’ Are Too Familiar
Many ‘nice guys’ often become the listening ear to a woman’s problems, thinking it will get them closer to what they want. While this may yield results on occasion, you’re better off telling her how you feel and making a move if you’re after something more.
7. ‘Nice Guys’ Try Too Hard
Trying to hard is perhaps something that every guy has done when trying to get a woman interested in him. That said, as you grow and learn, you quickly find out that this isn’t the way to do things. ‘Nice guys’ often become doormats, someone that most women will never see any value in because you can come off as being someone who’s desperate with no options. Contrary to what ‘nice guys’ believe, women don’t want a boot licker, they want someone who isn’t afraid to face rejection and deal with uncomfortable situations.
8. ‘Nice Guys’ Won’t Make a Move
In the majority of friendzone stories we cover over on Youtube, most guys land themselves in this forbidden prison because they’re too afraid to make a move. While rejection isn’t nice, it’s something you’re going to have to deal with in life if you want the best results.
9. ‘Nice Guys’ Let It Happen
It’s arguable that the biggest reason for someone landing themselves in the friendzone is because they let it happen. If you ever make your feelings known and you’re told that friendship is as far as you’ll ever get, it’s up to you whether you want to make your peace and reside in the friendzone.
4 Ways to Stop Being the ‘Nice Guy’
1. Stop Being Agreeable
If you want to stop being seen as the ‘nice guy,’ stop being agreeable to everything. Many ‘nice guys’ will hide their true feelings because they want to avoid conflict, and while this may be easier in the moment, you’re cheating yourself out of a learning experience. If you never let anyone know what you’re thinking/feeling, it will be very difficult (if not impossible) for people to get to know you.
2. Stop Trying to Please Everyone
If there’s something that ‘nice guys’ are guilty of, it’s bending over backwards for everyone. Some nice guys will even put themselves in harm’s way just to make someone else feel good. It’s perfectly fine to put yourself first, and in fact, if you don’t take care of yourself, how can you truly help anyone else? If you’re a ‘nice guy,’ you must learn how to say no if someone asks you to do something that you’re not comfortable with.
3. Set and Enforce Boundaries
A core tenet of being a ‘nice guy’ is to let everyone walk all over you so you can minimise conflict. While avoiding conflict is sometimes the right course of action, it doesn’t mean you should become a doormat/coward that will be used and tossed away.
4. Be Okay With Being Alone
‘Nice guys’ are very well known for being needy as they’re always seeking out validation from others. If you want to get yourself out of this cycle, you must learn to be comfortable being alone. Once you’re able to do this, you will be able to rid yourself of your needy nature, something that’s very off putting to most women. In life, not everyone’s going to like you, and that’s something you’re going to have to get used to.
Quora Answers: Why Do Nice Guys Always Seem to Get Friend Zoned by the One That They Want to Be With?
Because ‘nice guys’ strive to be as inoffensive and pleasing as possible, to the point of not making anyone feel anything towards them except lukewarm approval. Attraction and love are extreme emotions. If you want someone to be excited to be with you, you have to risk some people being completely repulsed by you, and ‘nice guys’ are so averse to rejection and disapproval that they aren’t willing to risk this. And so, they get exactly what they want, near universal lukewarm approval, and no one feeling anything more substantial towards them than that.
Howie Reith
This comment really does summarise what it means to be a ‘nice guy’ who’s trying to land himself in a romantic relationship.
Closing Thoughts: Escaping the Friendzone?
Escaping the friendzone takes a high level of wizardry that very few will ever be able to achieve. Personally, I think once you’ve landed yourself in the friendzone you should call it quits. If the woman you have an interest in only sees you as a platonic friend, there’s very little you can do to change it. Trying to make a move on someone who’s placed you in the friendzone will usually come off as creepy; however, if you were to be out of each other’s lives for quite some time (and I’m talking years) you might have a chance of changing the foundation of your relationship. Rather than go through all that though, if you’re a ‘nice guy’ and there’s a woman that you like, tell her, I promise it won’t nearly be as bad as you think, even if she turns you down.
